Life Experiences

Losing my Mom – a Personal Loss

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This is an off-topic post that I need to write to once again briefly explain my disappearance over the last month.

Back in November 2008, I wrote about the loss of my Dad on November 10th. Two years and forty days later on December 20th, my Mom joined my Dad and hopefully spent Christmas with her soul mate (shown in the picture at their 60th wedding anniversary in 2007 with my sister and me).

Josephine Rio - Debra's Mom

Her story is a bit different than Dad’s. She was not ill but had fallen and broke her hip on October 15th. She had an easy surgery and was home in three days. She had already had a knee and a hip replaced within the last four years, so we didn’t worry about her through this pretty routine surgery.

Unfortunately, a blood clot formed and passed through her heart into her lungs. She gave it a great fight for a couple days, but at 86, her weaken heart stopped and she went peacefully onto eternal life with Dad.

Losing one’s loved one any time is difficult, but losing my Mom at Christmas took the sparkle off the holiday decorations. Our Christmas and New Years were quiet. My sister and I have started the process of closing the house we grew up in that Dad built himself in 1950. I’ve spent many hours going through family photo albums, scanning the images and creating “her life in pictures” album for my relatives. I’m taking some time to try and figure out what happened and why, but doubt I’ll ever get the answers I’m looking for. We were blessed to have both parents as long as we had, but losing them is never easy no matter how long a life they had.

Once again, life threw an obstacle in my way when I least expected it. I need to adjust to the “new normal” and come out the other end with a different perspective on life. The holidays will be very hard now having lost both my parents during this time of year. I will need to deal with closing down my parents life while keeping the memories alive.

So although I have taken a break, I will be back once again with fresh, relevant content for my fans and followers. As I posted on my Facebook Brand Page, I am truly am honored that you have become a fan, a connection and a social media friend. So bear with me a little longer. I promise I’ll be back.

19 thoughts on “Losing my Mom – a Personal Loss”

  1. I came across your site. I lost my mom November 2010 at 7PM. She was in the hospital for 4-1/2 months. She fought 2 cancers and polio and survived, but with the last cancer, she lost the fight. She was 82 and so alive and in love with life. She was in my everyday life, we called each other often, she was my sister’s best friend. The loss and pain is so great, and I cry as if it were yesterday.

    We were never close to my father, he was never a real father. So it is like we have no one.

    I am so happy you loved both your parents and they loved each other. Even though that does not stop the pain, it helps to had such a loving home to remember.

    Joyce Kuras

    • Thank you Joyce. I appreciate your kind words. I’m sorry for your loss of your Mom. Your Mom sounded like she went through a similar situation as my Dad – fought cancer for a long time but the cancer finally won. He was 84.

      Yes, I miss both of them every day but I was blessed to have them for as long as I did and now I know they are together and are watching over me.

  2. I lost my mom on March 30, 2011 at 0136am. She died in her sleep peacefully, but it was not so peaceful for me. She lived with me and we were a team in her care since she began to suffer from complications of diabetes in 2005…I miss her so much..I long to talk to her and laugh. There were days when we would get angry with each other but we would always make up immediately. She meant so much to me and I do not see myself going on without her because she was such a major part in my life. My heartaches and my mind races with thoughts of guilt,sadness, and defeat…I feel so lonely and Lost without her..I miss her so much and the pain of her absence is unbearable at times. All I want to do is be near her belongings like her clothes, bed, pictures, etc…How can I go on? because I know I gotta keep living…I am not suicidal but there are times I wish I could just go to be with her…I pray for strength and I ask that you pray for me too. God Bless You

    • Nia, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your Mom would not want you feeling lonely and lost but to carry on with a life that she raised you to live. I too, miss my Mom (and Dad) but I know they are here with me watching what I do. I know that they are proud of what I’ve accomplished which is truly a reflection on them and how they raised me.

  3. Susan, thank you for sharing your experience too! I will definitely be in touch.

    To all who have commented – I’m actually a bit overwhelmed at all the wonderful responses and kind words from so many people! I am so glad that I am able to meet so many folks through this media who care and are there to help. You all are certainly helping me through this time.

  4. Hugs. It’s always tough to lose a parent; to have it happen at the holidays is even worse. My husband’s father passed the day before Christmas; while it was peaceful for him, it was devastating for the kids.

    Your mom and dad are now your guardian angels, and smiling on you here on earth. Thank you for sharing.

    • Barbara, thanks for sharing your experiences. Hearing what others have felt and experience is helping me get through this as I am reminded that I am not alone.

  5. Debra –

    So, so sorry to hear of your mom’s death. What I found when my mom died was that she still lives in my heart, and when I need to, I talk to her and I hear her answering me. I hope you find that when you need her, you find your mom in your heart.

    • Catie, thanks for your kind words – I’m sure I’ll experience this type of connection with her as well. It’s a lovely way to remember her.

  6. You’re right, it is what they would want. No parent would want their children to suffer, and they both loved you dearly. I didn’t know them, but it was evident in the close relationship you shared.

  7. My heart truly goes out to you. Thanksgiving morning of 2009, I lost my sister. She was only 43 years old. We couldn’t get her to wake up and later found out that she passed away from a heart aneurysm.

    The loss of a loved one at this time of year is very difficult. But you have to keep going and realize that they are still there, you just can’t see them. I talk to my sister all the time, and in some ways feel that she talks to me.

    It takes time to deal with it and some days, it feels like it just happened yesterday. Just remember that I am sure they both are very proud of you and all that you have accomplished and I am positive they will have open arms for you and your family when it is time for you to join them.

    I am glad to have been friended by you and I will pray for you and your family through these times.

    • Thanks for sharing your story with me Becky. It helps when people stop and talk to you about what they experienced through difficult times. You realize you are not alone in all this and that the pain, although never goes away, lessens in time.

  8. Debbie,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father unexpectedly in Nov and it made Thanksgiving extremely hard for me especially since we spent the prior Thanksgiving with my father and step-mom.
    You will be in my thoughts!

    • Thanks for the thoughts Dawn. I’m sorry to hear of the passing of your Dad in November. Holidays will always be bittersweet for us both.

  9. It was great to be able to spend Christmas with you! I am so lucky to have you as an aunt. I hope the guest room is still open :) Love, Courtney

  10. Debra, this is beautiful and heartfelt. I know how much you hurt, and will continue to. There are times in the entrepreneur’s life when business just must take a back-seat. If anyone doesn’t understand that, they don’t deserve to know or do business with you. You’ll enjoy the holidays again after the pain subsides. You’ll never stop missing them, loving them or wishing they were here, but as my mother has told me time and time again: they are always with you. You are the product of your parents loving and joyful union. I can’t imagine what it feels like, but someday I will know, and I’ll be in your shoes. Christmas will be a time for joyful celebration again someday, I promise. My parents have both lost their parents, and in time, they did find joy in the holidays again. Much love… Laura

    • Thanks Laura, I’m not unique in this journey, so yes, someday the holidays will be happy memories without the painful events. That’s what Mom and Dad would want.

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